Love in kenya
I have to come to an end slowly. Now I've written about 800 pages about my adventures in Kenya, it wasn't always easy, sometimes I really had to fight my way through.
I've already written a lot about love in Kenya, I don't want to repeat myself, it's just unnecessary and boring.
"Love" is what interests most people. As everywhere, there are positive and unfortunately also negative reports. Not everyone is lucky enough to find the right one. It's not easy in Kenya, I have to write that right at the beginning, so that no wrong impression is created.
Entering a new relationship is an exciting experience and the way we show and give love in a global society is constantly changing. This reality is also true in Kenya, particularly due to changing social norms regarding relationships and marriage. Modern love in Kenya looks very different today than it used to. To illustrate how much relationships and love in Kenya have changed over time, it helps to look at the numbers.
Research suggests that having a "crush" on someone, or experiencing transient and intense feelings of attraction, typically only lasts up to four months. If feelings linger past this point, they are likely to evolve into love.
People in Kenya tend to be attracted to partners who share similar backgrounds and characteristics. Contrary to the reality created by arranged marriages of the past, many young Kenyans seeking serious relationships value someone they can identify with.
The median age for women in Kenya to marry for the first time is now 19.7; In previous decades it was common for young women who had just passed puberty to marry older men.
Likewise, the median age for men in Kenya to enter their first marriage is now 25.
We may want to come up with more positive feedback. We want to start with a Swiss.
A Swiss man went to Kenya in 2017 to work for a non-profit organization. He was sure that he would be back home in nine months at the latest. But then everything turned out differently. "I fell in love". The decision to stay was not difficult for him. This Swiss man has been living in Kenya with his wife Evaline (44) and their two children for almost three years. In order for the Swede to be able to marry his great love, he had to overcome a number of hurdles. "Kenya is different," he reveals with a smile. He had to pay for his wife. Five cows for her father and gifts of money for the rest of the family, Evaline was worth it to him.
This was a wedding that was obviously traditional. That is possible in Kenya. Traditional means that the mayor, a pastor, some family members are present. But one by one. It is important to know the typical marriage customs and rituals of the tribe of the bride or groom. This knowledge can be important in marriages. Be sure to raise this issue with all sides of the family so everyone has a say about what's important to them. Most communities have at least two or three meetings. First, the man, accompanied by his father and uncles, visits the bride's parents to express his interest in the bride-to-be. It's difficult with a foreign advertiser, you have to be active yourself. The second is usually a dowry negotiation. A final meeting often involves paying the dowry or discussing wedding plans. All negotiations are usually conducted by the fathers and uncles. The groom sits quietly and is rarely allowed to speak. Meanwhile, the women cook, serve and wait - and don't talk when you speak to them. The bride remains hidden until called by the elders to confirm that the bridegroom is "the right one". But due to the cost of these celebrations, most parents now prefer to meld all of these different visits into a single ceremony. This is the official procedure for Kenyans. It's the same with us foreigners. Here is negotiated with the bride's father, very simple. A final meeting often involves paying the dowry or discussing wedding plans. All negotiations are usually conducted by the fathers and uncles. The groom sits quietly and is rarely allowed to speak. Meanwhile, the women cook, serve and wait - and don't talk when you speak to them. The bride remains hidden until called by the elders to confirm that the bridegroom is "the right one". But due to the cost of these celebrations, most parents now prefer to meld all of these different visits into a single ceremony. This is the official procedure for Kenyans. It's the same with us foreigners. Here is negotiated with the bride's father, very simple. A final meeting often involves paying the dowry or discussing wedding plans. All negotiations are usually conducted by the fathers and uncles. The groom sits quietly and is rarely allowed to speak. Meanwhile, the women cook, serve and wait - and don't talk when you speak to them. The bride remains hidden until called by the elders to confirm that the bridegroom is "the right one". But due to the cost of these celebrations, most parents now prefer to meld all of these different visits into a single ceremony. This is the official procedure for Kenyans. It's the same with us foreigners. Here is negotiated with the bride's father, very simple. All negotiations are usually conducted by the fathers and uncles. The groom sits quietly and is rarely allowed to speak. Meanwhile, the women cook, serve and wait - and don't talk when you speak to them. The bride remains hidden until called by the elders to confirm that the bridegroom is "the right one". But due to the cost of these celebrations, most parents now prefer to meld all of these different visits into a single ceremony. This is the official procedure for Kenyans. It's the same with us foreigners. Here is negotiated with the bride's father, very simple. All negotiations are usually conducted by the fathers and uncles. The groom sits quietly and is rarely allowed to speak. Meanwhile, the women cook, serve and wait - and don't talk when you speak to them. The bride remains hidden until called by the elders to confirm that the bridegroom is "the right one". But due to the cost of these celebrations, most parents now prefer to meld all of these different visits into a single ceremony. This is the official procedure for Kenyans. It's the same with us foreigners. Here is negotiated with the bride's father, very simple. when you speak to them. The bride remains hidden until called by the elders to confirm that the bridegroom is "the right one". But due to the cost of these celebrations, most parents now prefer to meld all of these different visits into a single ceremony. This is the official procedure for Kenyans. It's the same with us foreigners. Here is negotiated with the bride's father, very simple. when you speak to them. The bride remains hidden until called by the elders to confirm that the bridegroom is "the right one". But due to the cost of these celebrations, most parents now prefer to meld all of these different visits into a single ceremony. This is the official procedure for Kenyans. It's the same with us foreigners. Here is negotiated with the bride's father, very simple. It's the same with us foreigners. Here is negotiated with the bride's father, very simple. It's the same with us foreigners. Here is negotiated with the bride's father, very simple.
A few more words about the family in Kenya.
The family system in Kenya is mainly patriarchal and patrilocal. This system is emphasized by the need for the groom or his family to pay a dowry to the bride's family before marriage. Payment of the dowry is usually in the form of money or in kind (livestock) and may be made a few days before marriage or over a longer period from birth to years after marriage. The dowry serves to fulfill justice and legality in the eyes of the families involved. With the failure of marriages in modern society, this tradition is seen as a factor connecting society to the strong moral standards of earlier days because the wife feels valuable to her husband and can therefore remain faithful to the marriage.
On the other hand, modern, educated and urban Kenyans, who passionately believe in marriage based on love, see this tradition reversed and argue that it builds marriage on purely economic factors because of the woman's motivation to be faithful to the marriage stay based out of fear that her parents would have to return the dowry to her husband's family should their marriage fail. The argument goes on to draw attention to the degrading status to which woman is subjected as she is viewed as a commodity to be bought and sold (Kilbride 1994). Since women are subject to this situation, men are preferred to control property, income and work. Furthermore, the dowry violates the rights of the woman, since in cases in which parents are eager to collect dowries for their daughters' marriage, encourages early marriages. Against this background, the tradition of dowry is slowly eroding.
That's just background information.
Here is a bad report.
Shela is where most tourists stay as there are also many nice hotels and the beach. The old town is small so it was easy to spot the locals roaming the streets. Towards the end of her week-long stay, she noticed a new face on the streets. She looked into the eyes of this dreamy Kenyan boy and as soon as he smiled she melted completely.
That same night, while hanging out at a popular floating bar, she met the man again. After locking eyes again, they finally decided to talk.
Like a true charmer, he knew all the right things to say. Whether it was "I'm a poor man, but I'm rich at heart" or "You're the only person I want and I'd like to marry you," she was smitten. He even told her he was a virgin. His smooth words and handsome looks prompted her to pay for his meals and just before leaving she bought a phone for him so they could keep in touch.
Saying goodbye was difficult for her. As they continued to talk over the next three weeks, she told her mother that she was ready to marry him and that she really fell in love. Until things took an abrupt turn. Out of nowhere, the guy texts her saying they can never talk to each other again and slanders her name. Though heartbroken, shocked and confused, she asked where that came from. He eventually admitted he had a pregnant wife in Spain. Despite the ending, there was a lesson in everything.
All is not as it seems.
A word about sex tourism.
With her sleeping six-month-old baby daughter under her arm, 17-year-old Alice explains why she moved to Mombasa from the 'upcountry' and how she has joined the growing ranks of young girls involved in the commercial sex trade on the Kenyan coast.
She became pregnant at 16 and her parents kicked her out of the house and she dropped out of school. She wanted to start a new life. There are no jobs and she had no money. She had to buy groceries to feed her baby. From then on she just kept going.
She ideally caters to mzungu (white) male tourists but otherwise locals. She doesn't see herself as a prostitute, she describes herself as a "sheng" (Kenyan slang) Bangaisha word meaning "courting for business".
According to a report by the United Nations Children's Fund (UNICEF), commercial sex tourism on the Kenyan coast is growing rapidly and gaining acceptance as a valid way of earning an income, spurred by a thriving tourism industry. According to the Kenyan Tourism Board, 1.68 million tourists visited Kenya in 2005.
But no matter how bad the local economy gets, one aspect never dies: the thriving sex tourism industry. Elderly foreigners, men and women, flock to this city's many cafes every day, accompanied by locals, many of whom appear to be underage. Child prostitution is tolerated here, and no one blinks at the sight of young black women or girls accompanying much older white men. Young men are also lured into the shop. A group of shirtless young men queuing outside a famous hotel like a slave market. The idea is to attract the attention of aging white women staying at the hotel, who would be willing to "sponsor" the men in exchange for sex. Naturally, that raises questions.
Unfortunately, some local leaders see these forms of sexual exploitation as beneficial to the economy. Not long ago, a senator urged her female constituents to bare their breasts to boost tourism. The senator urged women to go topless and wear only a leso around their hips. She argued that foreigners used to come to the coastal region of Kenya to see bare African breasts. She apparently believes that as more coastal women go naked, foreign tourists will flock to Kenya's beach resorts. Local people struggling with poverty have also grown up believing that their bodies are there to be used. Their stunted lives do not allow them to imagine a place where they, not the foreigners, call the shots. They have been marginalized and sexually exploited for so long that they see selling sex as normal. They don't aspire to be doctors or lawyers or fashion designers because there are few role models in their community who can show them that there are other more productive and less self-denigrating ways to make a living. Those Malindians who manage to gain higher education don't bother coming back. that there are other more productive and less self-denigrating ways to make a living. Those Malindians who manage to gain higher education don't bother coming back. that there are other more productive and less self-denigrating ways to make a living. Those Malindians who manage to gain higher education don't bother coming back.
Here in Kenya you can get everything, you just have to pay decently.
(Love Matters,
View,
kenyan buzz,
Travel Noire,
the standard,
elephant)
